My Greatest Blessings

My life has not been an easy one. I spent a  lot of time thinking on this fact and lost out on a lot of good. Now however I live to embrace every moment and aim to make the most of the time that has been given to me.

No matter what life has been like, no matter the struggles, or the joys of it, I have always had one sure foundation to rest on, and that is ‘I am not alone’! I have been blessed with three younger sisters. With an age gap of one and half to two years between each of us there were times when we have tried to kill each other. We have annoyed each other to tears, blackmailed each other, fought like cats and dogs, even hated each other at stages! Thanks however to my mum’s wisdom and raising we have always stuck with each other, even when we were mad with each other.

There is a lot to be said about having three younger sisters that are completely different from me and each other. The clashes are plentiful. There is always disagreements and arguments. Very rare are the instances all four of us agree. Usual scenario is some agree and the others adjust. It teaches a valuable lesson of compromise having siblings. Also teaches sharing, putting someone else’s needs over yours and co-existing.

There is of course those rare occasions we are one unit, we agree, we sync, we almost seem one being with different parts. We compliment each other’s short-comings and differences and we stand together to face the things life throws at us. Those are beautiful moments for their rarity but also for the sense of solidarity one gets when they happen.

They are my greatest blessing cause at the end of the day no matter what happens I know they will always be there. That even if life takes us to four difference corners of the world, we would still be connected. Not through mail, facebook, insta, skype etc, no, these are just a means to an end; but through love, shared experiences of suffering, joys, highs and lows! These things no one can erase or take away and therefore are the strongest things binding us together!

Wishing you all the same blessings on the third day of the new year!

The End of The Year – 2016

So here we are on the Eve of a new year…and what a year it has been! Ups and downs, ins and outs, twists and turns! I am not complaining here, today at the end of the crazy roller-coaster ride. I however did complain throughout. Ask my boyfriend and he will confirm that with a “OH YES!”

The main thing that this year has taught me is not to doubt myself. Not to put limits on myself and to definitely not let others put limits on me! Not saying this attitude means I have not failed, or fallen flat on my face or come up short. Definitely have. Several times. No, what this attitude does is save valuable time and energy. Let’s be honest, once we start on the whole, ‘Oh, I don’t know…’ line of talk we are already half way to failing. We are spending so much time and energy thinking on how things could not work, how they could go wrong, be a disaster, that we really have no time to make it a success. Negativity is a cancer that bleeds away our energy and will.

This year was a lot of situations where I was thrust into things with not a whole lot of thinking time. It was an adapt and do or be in a lot of trouble kind of year.  I was a complain fest while it was happening but looking back I see that I needed this year. Needed that confidence boost, that growth. And as tough as it was, as emotionally draining, I would not trade it for anything.

My sincere hope and wish for you guys this New Year’s Eve is that you also find the ‘Can Do’ attitude to help you live your life to the fullest, doing what is best for your personal growth. Shine like the star you are and bring some light into this ever darkening world.

Happy New Year! 

 

Thinking…

​The end of an year makes one think. There is no doubt on that. I have been thinking about the past, of the present and the future to be. Deciding what I need to bring back to myself from the past, what I need to keep from the present and change/remove from the future. The thinking has been on who I am!

Who we are cannot be described in a few words. Who we are is a lifetime of existence, filled with experiences that shapes and moulds us as we go along on this journey of life. That is why whenever I get asked the question, ‘Can you describe yourself in a few words?’ I freeze. How am I to describe the whole of “ME” in a few words?? The whole of me is made up of a lifetime of experiences. How do you pick which parts define you when they all do? 

Who am I…a daughter, a sister, a niece, a grandchild. I am also a girlfriend, friend, shoulder, listener, advisor. A rebel, a heartbreaker, a heart mender, compassion and love. Cold hearted, a angel, a devil, nice and nasty. Patient and impatient, hateful, hurtful, hurting and kind. Dark and light, confident and selfless, yet also selfish and lacking self-worth. A worker, a dreamer, an accountant, a writer, a bore and fun and I can go on!

The point I am trying to make is. There really is no point putting ourselves in a box, drawing lines and limiting ourselves to who we are and what we can do. We are not a defined thing. We are each I believe a possibility and possibilities are endless!!

This New Year I dare you to change, take chances, be bold and make a new path, make a whole lot of them! Step out, step up and make a difference in your life. Who knows maybe you’ll inspire someone else to do the same…

Another Year Draws to a Close

Here we are at the top of the mountain that has been the year 2016. What a climb it has been! I have been challenged, tested and emotionally wrecked this year. But guess what I have endured. I had grown and I can still stand tall albeit a bit bruised and scarred. But that is nothing new in my life.

I started out with the hardships but let’s add the good now. I have found love. I have found strength. I travelled to two new places (UK and India) and I met people I never thought I would. I learnt that even in the midst of a storm, there is one spot of calm you are given to really get things together. God knows you need it and He provides. 

Speaking of God, we grew apart. And if anybody wants to argue God does not exist try knowing Him and then not knowing Him. Trust me you miss Him! You feel the emptiness. Trust me on that. 

On the point of love…I love my best friend. A man who is the complete opposite of me. Who is the calm to my storm, the steady to my panic, the patience to my impatience, the soothing to my fears, the cool to my hot temper, the assurance to my doubts and the possessor of the biggest, most loving heart! I don’t admit it enough but he is a blessing in my life. Again God knows what He is doing. Even when I don’t. Though I will admit I was sure on him from the start. 

On work matters. I got to travel as a result of my job. As I mentioned previously, to the UK and India. I didn’t have a lot of fun in either trip. I am not good with travelling alone. But I learnt a lot. And sometimes lessons are not fun. Well are they ever? 

Family wise, me and my sisters are all grown up now…and leading different lives. With all four of us on different paths it is difficult to keep together. And I am afraid we will grow apart. This is part of life though. I have to trust that the bond we share, which is a lifetime worth of experiences, memories, emotions is strong enough to let us go down different paths but still be the same ‘us’. It is strong enough. 

Studies wise I failed. And failed. And failed again. I have lost confidence in my abilities and my will to complete this is diminished. I refuse to give up though. No great story was ever told on anyone who gave up right?!

Health, exercise wise I need help and a change. I am as fit as a broken fiddle! I am always on my arse and hardly moving about, what with a desk job and weird working hours. No excuse though!

All in all 2016 has been a happy year but trying too. And here I stand at the summit ready to plunge into the dark abyss that is 2017 and start a new climb all over again. Wish you a safe journey ahead. And I pray you wish me the same. Raise a glass this New Year’s Eve to another chapter in the great epic that is life!

Changes Again…

Change is inevitable. We all know this. We all tell ourselves this. We all expect it. Yet when it shows up we are left feeling anxious and that one feeling carries a host of others. Anger, sadness, resentment, panic; these are all contained in the anxiety.

Truth of the matter is, the feelings are all justified, change is scary. It is normal to feel what we feel. Normal to want to build up walls and hide. Another truth is that, though walls protect you, they also keep you in. There is not much you can see or do from inside.

I am learning that living, truly living leaves you open to a lot of uncertainty and possible sadness and heartbreak. However, there is endless joy, beauty and new things to be discovered and experienced.

I have lived the majority of my life, building walls, hiding and running away at any sign of possible hurt occurring. For the first time in my life in a very long time I have had the good fortune to meet someone who not only just tells me all the good things that are there in life but someone who pushes and challenges me gently to step out and see them with my own eyes. That is the blessing we all seek at the end of the day…another human being who truly understands you but one who also helps you grow.

This year has therefore been most memorable for the friend I made. A friend I hope to have for the rest of my life.

New Year and a New Beginning

Another year has passed and a new one begun. I like the start of a new year. It symbolises new beginnings for me! And I like beginnings. Everything has a beginning and some really interesting things follow a good beginning! A bad one too!

Looking back at 2012 I can honestly say I entered that year with anger in my heart, dread and a bad attitude! I kept that attitude and mindset throughout the year and managed to have what I consider a very bad year in my life.  I made quite a few mistakes and learnt quite a few lessons! Overall, 2012 was not my favourite year!

In our culture and maybe in many others, it is considered a bad start to enter a new year with last year’s ‘baggage’! We believe that the way we begin a year sets the stage for the rest of the year. I don’t know whether this can be scientifically proven (most probably not) and maybe it’s just an old Sri Lanka superstition but it has some truth to it! How we start something, anything, does affect how it progresses! You start something with a bad attitude, a project, a job, even homework; you are hardly ever going to find you are enjoying it half way! Even if it is enjoyable we kind of miss out on it because of our existing bad attitude!

So this year, I have made up my mind to begin life in this country properly. I will not let the past and the things I cannot change hold me back from enjoying what could and most probably is a good chapter in my life. My bad attitude kind of made me forget that God is still in charge of my life and HE knows what HE’s doing!

So here’s to new beginnings and to whatever life brings my way! May I face it with a good attitude and never forget that though sometimes life does seem out of control and overwhelming God’s always in charge and HE knows what HE’s doing!

I hope and wish the same for you! May this year be one filled with success and joy! May all your dreams come true and may you be richly blessed!

Happy New Year!!!

A Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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This is to wish anyone and everyone who has ever taken time to read my ramblings a Very Merry Christmas! Your visits to my page have been greatly appreciated!

Hope it’s a blessed day and that you’re enjoying your holidays! Have fun! Be safe! And see you next year! And may the coming year be one filled with success of every sort!

Till next year!