Crossroads…

Life is a journey and we all come to many crossroads along the way. They are the pivotal moments that determine the next chapter and how it turns out. You never know whether the choice you are making is the right one cause you don’t have the outcomes listed out. You can’t see the future. It’s a game of chance and sometimes the decisions can be revoked and changed, at other times it seems they can’t.

They are scary and nerve wrecking moments and you feel the pressure of it all so keenly. For an anxiety riddled person like myself every crossroad decision is a struggle with a long time taken to decide on the road and a million what if scenarios that play in my head.

My crossroad now is marriage. I come from a broken marriage, a broken home. I have no template for a healthy relationship or a happy marriage. I have a million anxieties and very little comfort from anyone for them. People whether it’s those that love you or not don’t really understand or can’t relate to pain you have been through. They think it’s simple and straightforward when the reality is its the farthest from that it can be.

My anxieties are things I deal with daily. Some days I do well. But on other days I don’t. They get the better of me. I feel them closing in and choking me and I want to run. I have usually run into books and found solace there. I don’t have that luxury now. I have to be an adult and not get lost, not runaway. I however do need to deal with them now as they are causing extreme problems and recklessness.

I don’t know how to deal with it all though. I do however know I need to start. The question is though what will I choose now? Which Road will I take?

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