We all have those moments in life when we just stop everything we are doing and look around us. I had such a moment recently and it left me feeling utterly de-motivated because I realised this, is not the life I wanted.
I have a great and loving family. Awesome friends who I trust and love. I have a home, I have the basic needs that so many people around the world go without. I have a good life. I know this. I am thankful for it; but, I feel incomplete. I feel as though I am not fulfilling my purpose, but then again, if you asked me what my purpose is, I’d have no answer.
My wordpress username is ‘wonderingsoul’. It suits me well cause from my earliest memories I know I always used to (and still do) wonder. I have questions and I like to find answers. So many questions, that when I state I have a question (which I always do), my best friend usually answers with, ‘when do you not’, or ‘that’s nothing new’.
I am now left wondering what am I doing with my life? What could I be doing? What should I be doing? What was my purpose, because I believe we all have purpose. I don’t have any of the answers and it’s making me unhappy. See that is the cost of wondering, of wanting answers; when you don’t find them you feel lost. It’s like a math problem you cannot solve. You know there is a solution, an answer, but you cannot find it and pretty soon you’ve run your hands through your hair that it’s sticking up on end, you’ve bitten your nails right to the nub and you cannot find any peace of mind so you start re-arranging the entire house from top to bottom and tire yourself out’
Thing is, in life you do not get time off to wonder. Oh, how I wish it was so. You have to find the answers in the midst of living life. The danger in that is, sometimes you get sucked into the monotony of life that you forget you had questions. Those kind of questions require answers. They are important to life, they should be answered.
So here’s to new beginnings of wondering in the midst of living.