Sometimes I think life is one big house. You start at one particular place but you journey through the house finding new rooms, finding new things about yourself, the world as you go. But along the way as you move from one room to another, messes appear! The annoying thing is, the mess follows you, and it builds up and builds up until one day you are stuck in one room, unable to move forward! When life gets messy you lose things. Important things like your faith, your trust, your hope, your peace, yourself; you lose them and in all the mess it becomes impossible to find them. You don’t even know where to start!
All you really crave is some peace and quiet to start the cleaning process, the healing process but life sadly gives no vacations. So you carry on as best as you know how, trying to sweep the mess under the carpets and stuff them into closets but all the while it leads to more messes. Broken and unhealthy relationships, feelings of inadequacy, of low self-confidence, hopelessness, desperation, anger, bitterness; they all plague you and you get no rest. No break from any of it.
Boy, aren’t I a ray of sunshine?
It is difficult to be optimistic these days; I was never that good at it. I could be optimistic for others in the past but now even that’s lost. What I am trying to get at is, I have lost something along the way but I am not sure what exactly that is. I feel it’s important though. That without it any hope that was there for me has been lost too. I have been going through it in my head. Trying to figure what I’ve lost. I guess that’s the reason for the whole metaphor of a messy house. I am having a hard time getting to the core of it, there are so many other things to get through it seems.
Anyone else feel this way?
Anyone else going through the ‘lost and searching’ era of life?