Last night before bed, I had a thought. It was late and I was tired, therefore I told myself remember that thought and went to bed. Well, this morning I wake up, and would you believe it, I have completely lost my train of thought. I am now cursing myself for not writing down what I was thinking. It felt important and I really wanted to share it.
Fear not! I am going to share it! I am hoping that as I think on the keyword of my thought, it’ll come back to me and flow from my brain, to my fingertips, and finally onto the screen I’m staring at. Let’s see whether this works.
My keyword was ‘plans’. I was thinking about all the plans I have made in life. Why do I make so many plans? Is planning my life out effective?
So let us start with the why. The why for me is simple – I hate feeling out of control! I will admit that makes me a control freak at times. The reason for this is rooted in my childhood and my surroundings; how everything always felt unorganised and chaotic and I can tell you that was stressful! Uncertainty is not something a child should ever have to grow up with! Due to this I made up my mind not to let life or people get the better of me but to try and control things as much as I can. Which I can honestly say is not easy. I plan things out, I think things through, and I check, re-check, and check once more before I take a step! I am overly cautious and not a risk-taker at all!
Now we come to the question of effectiveness. Is making a whole bunch of plans effective? Honestly, no! I have found that nearly all ‘my plans’ don’t happen the way they are supposed to. There’s one variable in the equation I cannot control and that is life itself! I may be able to control circumstances, people even, which is not a good thing, but I cannot control that big thing called LIFE that has a way of getting hold of me by ankle, turning me upside down and giving me a good shake till my teeth rattle! I find myself dropped down on the ground after a while and left to find my bearings! Which I might say is not easy after being upside down and shaken!
I pick myself up and stagger around for a bit, curse at life for ruining my well laid-out plans, which took time, and I feel scared again! I have gone through this quite a few times! I somehow find a new road and I travel down it. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am meant to be on this road but I push that thought to the back of my mind and start planning again! I know, I know, I should know better by now!
I do know better by now actually, I know that my plans will not always work out! That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t make plans or not have something to work towards. Plans give me direction, they make me feel calm and my brain doesn’t feel as cluttered. I just have to not hold on to my plans so tightly! I must hold my plans lightly in my hand, not in a death grip! I must acknowledge and understand I am not in control! I am just a human being. But I can rest in the knowledge that though I cannot control everything and I don’t always see the bigger plan for my life, trust me there is one, there’s someone who does and HE’s got my back! Actually, HE’s got everything! Life that big giant that I cannot control is under HIS command and he knows where I must go. HE’s also kind enough and cares enough to take my plans into account too!
So I guess what I am trying to say is this, make plans, that’s not a bad thing, but don’t forget to take chances and deviate from those plans where necessary! Sometimes we focus so much on the plan, we forget there’s life and we miss out on a lot of good things!
It worked, after all! I found my train of thought and said what I wanted to say! Next time though, no matter how tired I am, I shall write down what I feel is important! Uh oh! I think I just made another plan! 😉